For those of you that may not know this, I am the Worship Pastor at Eagleville Bible Church. I am responsible for creating set lists and choosing songs that will lead our congregation into an encounter-rich atmosphere of praise and worship (among other things). So, I have decided to write these blogs from here on out (as the Spirit leads) in a way that will highlight the songs for the particular week that we are in and discuss the theology in them and how they apply to our lives. May God richly bless this endeavor!
Have you ever found yourself saying, “God, I need You!” I know that I have many times in my life, and I have never once regretted it! I am going to share my testimony now, and I do want you to consider skipping over this section if you have ever been a victim of physical abuse. I would never want my testimony to deter you from having a relationship with Christ, or growing in your walk with Christ, but I do feel that it is necessary to share my story because our testimonies can help people understand how to overcome life’s hurts, habits, and hang-ups and how God can help us do so. Some parts of my story are graphic, so please read with grace.
Testimony (Trigger Warning!)
In 2007 I was at one of the lowest points in all of my life. I had been living my life in a way that I knew was sinful and against God, but I was rebellious and stubborn and did not want to change. I had an experience with accepting the Lord into my life when I was 10 years old after my parents left the Amish religion. I loved the Lord and was on fire for Him right away! But throughout my teen years the world crept into my life and I became more interested in what the world offered than what God offered, so I took a hard turn in my walk towards the darkness and temptations offered by the world. It was an awful time in my life that included drugs, sex, filthy mouth, and the list goes on.
I met my wife and started a relationship with her at 20 years old, and that really helped to regulate my life (even though she was an unbeliever) because she had a 3 year old son that I absolutely loved. I stopped doing drugs immediately (although I had pretty much stopped months before that, this was the final straw for me), and I wanted to be responsible for them two. Starting at age 13, I have always had a very strong work ethic, so I was very capable of providing for them and I decided early on that this was my mission in life – to take them in and provide care for them both for the rest of my life! I have never regretted that decision, even after 17 years of being with them! Each year gets better 🙂
So, by the year 2007 I had become so rebellious in my spirit towards God and His ways that it was really affecting my emotions. I didn’t have any, except for anger! Now I was always displaying the happy-go-lucky disposition, but deep within I was just angry. I would get set off by the smallest of things, and BOOM like a rocket I would go from 0 – 100 and was very violent. Well, unfortunately one day that came to a head and it ended up displaying itself against my wife. We had a disagreement and as she went to grab my face for me to look at her (that was my way of punishing her was to neglect her and turn away form her as she was trying to speak to me), I thought she was trying to hit me, and I snapped. I picked her up by her throat and held her up against the kitchen cabinets, yelling at her to stop because I was afraid that I was going to hurt her (irony, I was holding her by the throat – don’t you think that was hurting her??) all while she was kicking me and screaming for me to stop. I then threw her across the kitchen floor as my firstborn son watched in horror (he was only 1 1/2 years old).
I then told her to leave, fearful of what I may do next. I felt so out of control and scared, and the last thing I ever wanted to do was to hurt my family! The reality though was that I was out of control and needed help!
I can remember feeling like I had lost everything after she left. I called her and pleaded with her to forgive me. She was understandably considering calling the cops and having me arrested, and I was trying to convince her not to because I will never do it again. I assured her that I was going to seek counseling. After we talked on the phone, I can remember going out in the dark and falling to my knees in my driveway, and I wept before the Lord. I pleaded His forgiveness and asked Him to help me not lose the most treasured gifts He had blessed me with. I cried out, “Lord, I need You!” over and over again in tears.
My wife and children did come back home early the next morning and we decided some next steps to take together. I then told my boss a couple of days later what had happened. He heard my story and said that he has a book that he wants me to read. He brought me a Men’s Devotional Bible and told me to start reading in the book of John, a chapter a day. I was a bit offended at this because I had considered myself a Christian and this really was almost an insult to me (I don’t know why?). So, I did what he asked me to do, along with that we started attending a Church together. When we went to that Church, the Pastor gave a very good message about our need to have a relationship with Jesus and I was convicted again. Well, on Labor Day of 2007 as I was reading the Bible, I got to John chapter 10 and the Lord grabbed my heart!
John 10:14 says, ““I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me—”, and again in John 10:27 it says, “My sheep listen to my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.”. At that point I knew that I did not know God and I asked for Him to grant me forgiveness as I repent from the ways of the world and choose to follow Him. I wept as I read that passage and the devotional that went with it, which started by asking this question- “Have you lost your wonder for God?”. About a half hour later I was privileged to be able to share the Gospel with my wife and lead her into a relationship with the Lord Jesus too! It was an awesome day!
Insights from that experience
I called out “Lord, I need You”, but it wasn’t’t until I was committed to repenting and following Him that the relationship took true form! I believe God definitely answered my request for help, but the help He offered was different than I expected. The help I needed was to form a relationship with Jesus, yes I needed help with my attitude and lifestyle but the only way that was going to get corrected was to follow Jesus and commit myself to Him as Lord!
Some of us are calling out to the Lord, but are unwilling to actually change our ways in order to follow Him in all His ways. We need to be willing to abandon the ways of the world, submit ourselves to Him, and choose to follow Him before we can expect that call for help to be heard. Jesus knows His sheep, and they know Him. Do you know Jesus as the Shepherd of your life?
The lesson from our songs (Song titles are in blue)
The Word of God is the tool (among others) that God used to grabbed my heart and change my life forever! His Word is faithful and true, and it will never fail us! In it we find the best news ever, that God So Loved us that He sent Jesus into this world to save us from our sin and to give us eternal life with Him!
It is only when we truly cry out with all of our hearts by faith, “Lord, I Need You”, that we will experience what the Bible refers to as being Redeemed and freed from the weight of our shame and regret. When we can say, “I am not who I used to be, the old man inside of me is long dead and gone. I’ve got a new name, a new life and I’m not the same, and I have a hope that I have never known before”, all because of Jesus in my life!
Now that I do have a new life in Christ, I Lay Me Down at my Savior’s feet and allow Him to use me in whatever way He sees fit! It is my joy to say, “Your will, Your Way” Lord Jesus, because I have tried it my way and it has caused nothing but chaos in my life. I want to live by faith in You from now on and allow You to direct my steps. This is my true joy!
Scriptures to reflect upon
- Word of God: Isa 40:8, Luke 21:33, Revelation 19:11-13, Proverbs 30:5
- God So Loved: John 3:16, Matthew 11:28-30, Psalm 49:15, Psalm 34:8
- Lord, I Need You: Psalm 32:5, Rom 5:20, Psalm 142:1, 2 Cor 5:21
- Redeemed: Galatians 4:4-7, Galatians 5:1, Eph 4:20-24
- Lay Me Down: Romans 12:1, Mark 14:36, John 10:10, Galatians 2:20
Conclusion
I pray that this is an encouragement to you and that you will enjoy the Worship Services coming up this Sunday (2/7/21) at Eagleville Bible Church. You can watch the live stream on our YouTube page, just click this link and subscribe: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCY_bWD4nXv5U1FJZF3tfZ6g in order to receive notifications whenever we upload new content! You can also follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Download the Eagleville Bible Church app from your App Store and follow us that way too.
God bless you!
