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In a recent silent retreat, my spiritual director asked me a question that I wasn’t able to answer. He asked, “Albert, what do you desire?”
A simple question indeed. But it stopped me cold.
It would be easier if he asked me what I “wanted” instead. There are things that I am concerned about and I want something to address them. I thought about my family and children, my ministry and future, my health and retirement, and …. you name it.
However, what do I truly “desire”?
If all the above concerns are fully addressed, would I dare to say, “My desires are satisfied”?
The answer is a simple “No!”
It dawns on me that while all these are extremely important to me, none of them truly addresses my deepest “desire”.
During this weeklong silent retreat, I spent most of the time on Psalm 27. One day, early in the morning, I was walking under the warm sun in cold weather, memorizing and meditating on Psalm 27 as usual. This morning, God touched my heart.
As I was praying, I kept repeating the phrase “One thing have I asked of the Lord … one thing have I asked of the Lord …” (Psalm 27:4)
One thing, yes, just one thing. God, if You would only give me just this one thing!
“God, I desire to be with You.”
I desire to dwell in the House of the Lord. I desire to gaze upon the Beauty of the Lord. I desire to be in God’s Presence, to enquire of the Lord, and to seek Him in His Temple!
The prayer of Psalm 27 speaks to my deepest longing. It satisfies my soul.
After the retreat, there were some subtle changes in my spiritual life.
Now, when I think about spending time with God (praying, reading the Scripture, meditating …), it is no longer “I have to.” It becomes “I want to.”
I also gave up the idea of “What can I get out of this Quiet Time?” mentality. Instead, I simply “show up” and let God lead the time.
The biggest change is probably about my prayer. I found myself praying this all the time, “God, I know You are here, please help me notice Your Presence. Please help me see You.”
Prayer:
God, by faith I know You are here. The only problem is that sometimes I don’t see You. Please help me to notice Your Presence. Please open my eyes to see You.
“The one thing I ask of the Lord— the thing I seek most— is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord’s perfections and meditating in his Temple. For he will conceal me there when troubles come; he will hide me in his sanctuary. He will place me out of reach on a high rock.”
“Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living. Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.”
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2 Responses
There are many things I desire. That my children and grandchildren would know and follow God. That Deb’s afib would stop. That my church family would walk close to God. For me, that I would act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with my God all days of my life (Micah 6:8).
I desire to be a Godly example full of love, peace and joy so that others will see Jesus in me and desire to accept him as a Savior. I desire my children that are lost to come back to him. I desire a great revival. Above all I desire to please my Heavenly Father and that the bricks around my heart will get knocked down and be able to feel the love he has for me. I know he loves me but still feel unworthy even though my heart knows he loves me the mind says it isn’t so. Have a blessed day❤️🙏😇