Parent God’s Way
The synopsis of this story is that Sarah cannot have children and wants to have a child through her servant from Egypt. Her name was Hagar and they wanted her to be a surrogate for Sarai. Abraham marries her and she gets pregnant and then she gets haughty! Sarah reacts by treating her meanly so she runs away. An angel of the Lord finds her and tells her to go back.
It’s Mother’s Day and we’ll talk about God’s involvement with our family.
(trans.) What can we learn?
- PARENT IN HUMILITY
Vv1-6 – Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian slave named Hagar; 2 so she said to Abram, “The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my slave; perhaps I can build a family through her.” Abram agreed to what Sarai said. 3 So after Abram had been living in Canaan ten years, Sarai his wife took her Egyptian slave Hagar and gave her to her husband to be his wife. 4 He slept with Hagar, and she conceived. When she knew she was pregnant, she began to despise her mistress. 5 Then Sarai said to Abram, “You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering. I put my slave in your arms, and now that she knows she is pregnant, she despises me. May the Lord judge between you and me.”
6 “Your slave is in your hands,” Abram said. “Do with her whatever you think best.” Then Sarai mistreated Hagar; so she fled from her.
Silly human pride is a huge player in this mess. Sarah’s inability to conceive a child hurt her human pride. If she cannot bear a child, she’s less in her mind and that hurts. And in her angst, she decides to accomplish this through her servant Hagar. Her wounded pride led her to putting her will above God’s will and having her husband marry Hagar. What could go wrong??!!
Pride had led these people to take matters into their own hands. Can your pride get in the way of your faith? Can we make decisions to get what we want right now forgetting what that cost may be? Yes, it’s certainly possible. Pride is happy to lead the way in making decisions.
- Silly Human Pride Leads to Questionable Decisions
Sarah wants a child in the worst way. God has promised but it hasn’t happened yet so she’s taking matters into her own hand and forcing the situation. Sarah puts another woman into her husband’s arms so she could get what she wanted, a child. No matter what the cost!! It even leads to jumping ahead of God’s timing. It needs to be now!
My marriage needs fixed now. My problem needs resolved now. I need this position now! Says who? Says you!
Let’s note that this is Sarah’s idea. She literally gives the bride away in verse 3. It’s almost like she walked her down the proverbial aisle. Hagar becomes his wife. Is this is a good decision? It’s pride driven, so I would say, no.
It’s a culturally appropriate decision, yes. When a wife could not have children, you would bring children into the world and expand the family via servant of the wife. It was normal but that didn’t make it right because this is not God’s will or God’s way. The will of culture does not always track with God’s will.
Could pride cause us to embrace culture over Christianity? I want to be one of the cool kids! Perhaps that acceptance requires you to lay aside your morals. Is that right? It’s our silly human pride.
We may end up dressing a little less modestly to fit in. We may think that we need a certain car. We may think that we need to live in a certain neighborhood or involve ourselves in certain behaviors because that’s how to be accepted. If we’re not careful, we’ll look a lot more like culture than Jesus!
Ecclesiastes 4:4 – And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person’s envy of another. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
Might we parent in pride? Might we think that our children must have certain opportunities. If travel ball makes them better, missing church isn’t that bad. They need this and that and pretty soon we’re working our lives away to provide them with things that they don’t even need or want.
Blue Miracle is a good movie. The man was working to be the greatest fisherman because he wanted his kid to be proud of him. He didn’t spend time with his son. As a group of orphans reminded him. Your kid doesn’t want a trophy – he wants you! Don’t parent in pride thinking our kids want all this stuff that the world convinced you that they need. And then we’re missing the boat.
Let’s not parent in pride! I wanted my children to have good memories of childhood and hope that they did. I didn’t need them to be the best … I just wanted them to do their best.
- Human Pride Causes You to Look Down on Others
Hagar depises Sarah. What does the word “despise” mean? It means to have contempt or to slight someone. It means to intend for them a lower position or to “curse”. It was used of Hagar’s esteem for Sarah! The way I see this going down is that she was looking down on Sarah. She copped some attitude. She’s looking at her like she’s not as good. This could have come about via looks, sneers, snide remarks, sarcastic comments. She thought she was better.
Since she is pregnant and Sarah is not, this elevates her in her mind to being above! We might tend to elevate ourselves and think that we’re more important than others. We might possibly look down on someone for not having what we have. Whether that is education or money or family or whatever. We never want to be in that place to look down on our brothers and sisters in Christ.
Let’s also remember that we parents should not be thinking we’re better because of our children. Be proud of them of course, but don’t think you’re better because of the number of children. The accomplishment of your children. The looks of your children. The size of your children.
Here’s the thing – God should be getting credit and none of these things should be a source of pride where we look down on another. Sarah sees God as the one preventing her from having children and same could have happened to Hagar. Can’t take pride in what God did!
- Human Pride Blames Others
She already blamed God for preventing her from having children … it’s God’s fault. She’s upset and likely jealous. She points the finger and blames Abram. “You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering”! So fascinating. It’s her idea. She talks him into doing it. She’s then blames him. May God judge between you and me. This is YOUR fault! Now, it might have been partially his fault, and I’ll explain that later.
However, I’ve often wondered why he is blamed. When you blame others for what you did, that’s a sure sign of silly human pride. We need to be able to admit when we’ve been wrong. In every case of pure pride I’ve seen, it’s always someone else’s fault. They are the victim. Sarah sees herself as the victim here!
B. PARENT BY NOT ALLOWING EVIL UNDER YOUR ROOF
Let’s get back to the accusation that Abram is to blame for the problems. He had to have sensed the tension and heard the complaints and comments of both women. There’s a lot of nonsense going on and we can argue that he did nothing. He took a hands off approach and allowed it to happen.
There was infighting. Contempt. Anger. Jealousy. Where is he? Did he not recognize a snide remark when he heard it? Did he not hear Sarai’s hurts? He just says, do with her what you want. He doesn’t stick up for her or chase after her.
Abraham does not stand up for Hagar, he just lets her do as she pleases to Hagar. To mistreat means to “to force” or “to try to force submission”. To punish or to try to inflict pain upon. So Sarah was hurting Hagar in an attempt to show her who was boss. She’s trying to make her come around. Those I blame are going to pay!
Abraham punts the ball. He doesn’t even refer to her as his wife. He says, yeah, do what you want to your maid servant! This hands off – let it all play out, is not a great parenting strategy. Too often, we’re complacent with nonsense and we shouldn’t be. If there is something they shouldn’t be watching, there’s something they shouldn’t be doing. Do something about it.
He feeds Hagar to an angry Sarah and does nothing to resolve it. She runs away, you don’t see him chasing her. He’s allowing it to go on. I’d say that it’s fair to say this – you’re responsible for what you allow to happen under your own roof. My roof, my rules is fair.
Adonijah was rebelling against his own dad and set himself up as king as his aged dad was basically dying. 1 Kings 1:5-6 – Now Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith, put himself forward and said, “I will be king.” So he got chariots and horses[a] ready, with fifty men to run ahead of him. 6 (His father had never rebuked him by asking, “Why do you behave as you do?” He was also very handsome and was born next after Absalom.)
David did nothing about the problems he knew about! Eli got into trouble regarding his sons because he did nothing about it. The Bible says that he failed to restrain them. 1 Samuel 3:13 – For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons blasphemed God, and he failed to restrain them.
We are responsible for what happens in our homes! Abraham doing nothing about the problem is not faith. That’s not leadership in the home. It’s not leadership in a church.
I’ve coached parenting hard cases with children this way. You don’t make every conversation about the problem but you make what they’re doing as impossible as you can. Do something.
I remember parents who had a child smoking. Well, we allow him to smoke behind the house here. I kicked him out of a youth group event for smoking in the church while at the event. The parents did nothing. Do you think he stopped? It got way worse and I heard he didn’t live long on the earth. Nice people, but not much strength in dealing with issues.
Faith is brave but in this case, Abraham is cowardly because he won’t address the sin issues that are there.
Vv7-16 – The angel of the Lord found Hagar near a spring in the desert; it was the spring that is beside the road to Shur. 8 And he said, “Hagar, slave of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?” “I’m running away from my mistress Sarai,” she answered. 9 Then the angel of the Lord told her, “Go back to your mistress and submit to her.” 10 The angel added, “I will increase your descendants so much that they will be too numerous to count.” 11 The angel of the Lord also said to her: “You are now pregnant and you will give birth to a son. You shall name him Ishmael, for the Lord has heard of your misery. 12 He will be a wild donkey of a man; his hand will be against everyone and everyone’s hand against him, and he will live in hostility toward[b] all his brothers.”
I’m amazed by how much God sees in our situations.
- Trust in Making Changes
The angel reminds her of her identity as a servant. I think it’s good to remember our own lowliness and that we’re not as big a deal as we think we are.
Romans 12:3 – For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.
Hagar, you need to go back and submit to Sarai. What? She’s a monster. She’s mean. She made my life miserable. I can’t raise my child in that! And you don’t have to raise a child in that. What you do need to do is to change your attitude and listen. Don’t think you’re above Sarah.
To submit means to put yourself back into that bad situation. Do what she was trying to get you to do, but this time be cooperative and kind. This was the way forward!! Live in a way that brings peace, not strife. Some of it was on Hagar and was her behavior. Sometimes it’s not.
In her case, the right attitude was the path forward. And sometimes that path forward is going back to where you were to start with because you should never have left. The answer to problems is not always running away. Where is she going? What is the plan? What would have become of her out there all by herself? God is protecting her, her son, and her future.
The fact that the angel tells her this indicates that it’s not what she was doing. Her attitude was not one of humility. Sometimes we need to be submitting our will to loved ones. We cannot have our way all the time. Abraham should have dealt with this but he didn’t.
We are supposed to respect each other. Ephesians 5:21 – Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
There has been so much peace when we put our will aside and listen to others. Relationships are a two-way street and based in mutual consideration.
- Trust that God Hears
Having a child should not bring misery into life but the busted relationship made it hard. But God saw her and heard her cries. It’s interesting that she’s asked for none of this. She didn’t ask to be Abraham’s wife. She didn’t ask to be a surrogate mother. It led to misery for her.
God hears of our misery. God hears our cries. God sees our pain. God is aware and that’s the important take away. He’s aware of what you’re going through. God hears when you’re hurting. And at times, those pleas are for our children. We’re praying and praying for God’s help and He comes through.
What’s concerning you as a parent? Is it the influence of an ex? Is it their direction? What concerns you? Bring it to God!
- Trust in God’s Blessing
The angel lays out blessing. Your son will have many descendants. He will be on the wild side and a fighter but he will have God with him.
Good will come. God’s blessing was going to be on this decision. It’s interesting because while Ishmael would be negatively impacted by the rivalry. God still blessed. Even though this wasn’t a great decision to start with, God still blessed.
I’m sure children are conceived in many situations both good and bad. God can still work through that. We may make some bad decisions but that does not mean our children will not be blessed. God can take extremely awkward situations like this and make good of it.
David cheated with Bathsheba. God used one of their children to rule over Israel and that was a beautiful thing in and of itself. God can take mistakes and make good out of it. It’s not the child’s fault – the things that we do.
- Trust that God Sees
Vv13-16 – She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seenthe One who sees me.” 14 That is why the well was called Beer Lahai Roi; it is still there, between Kadesh and Bered. 15 So Hagar bore Abram a son, and Abram gave the name Ishmael to the son she had borne. 16 Abram was eighty-six years old when Hagar bore him Ishmael.
God saw exactly where she was. And she gives the Lord a special name. He’s the God who sees. I’ve seen the God who sees me. This is ultimately a beautiful concept. She has seen the one who sees her. You hurting? God sees.
Psalm 139 states that there is no where we can go that God is not already there. He knows the numbers of the hairs on your head. He knows every sparrow that falls. He clothes the grass of the field. He takes care of this world and he will take of you as well.
He is the God who sees. And not only does God see, God cares. That’s a comfort for sure. God chased her down because He’s working in her life too. And we appreciate all that God does.
One great take away here is that God uses we weak humans. And that’s awesome in and of itself. As messed up as we can be, God is still working to do great things.
Parent humbly, don’t allow evil, keep trusting God!